RISE AND GRIND
 OPENING TO LOVE: DHARMA WISDOMLove Thy Neighbor & ThyselfThe Buddha taught that the sincere practice of inquiry leads to an inner experience of freedom and that compassion and loving-kindness are states which arise naturally from this freedom. Similarly, Christ taught, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” not as an onerous duty, but as a path of joy connecting us to one another through that which is divine in all. Of course, the problem we all struggle with is how to find that love for another, particularly a difficult other. Even more challenging for many is feeling love and acceptance for oneself. Implicit in Jesus’ teaching is the prerequisite of loving yourself. If you have self-hatred, it will define the quality of your love – or lack of love – and it will ultimately manifest in your love for another. You may protest upon hearing this teaching that although you struggle with self-hatred, your love for your spouse is mostly pure, and that certainly your love of your children is pure. I do not doubt the truth of your protestations, but experience has shown me that in the end there is only one love. Love is by its very nature unity, and if you have feelings of self-loathing, those feelings inevitably become part of your relationship with the loved one. It limits the fullness of the experience of love, both for you and the other. Also, if there is acute self-dislike, no matter how much you try to hide or ignore these feelings, they are injurious to those you love, particularly children. It is important to make the distinction between regret for your past actions or distress over present shortcomings and lack of self-love, which you experience as self-loathing or worthlessness. These feelings of regret and distress are a necessary part of maturing behavior. Skillfully worked with, they help foster what Buddhists call the practice of sila, or ethical behavior. Of course it is appropriate to experience your faults for what they are, but it is even more important that you hold those faults in a context of compassionate love for yourself. On the spiritual path, you don’t create your identity based on your faults; rather, by acknowledging your shortcomings, you are able to see clearly the harm they cause you and others. This clear-seeing becomes the motivation to develop an inner life so that even the bad moments are not wasted; instead, they are used for spiritual fuel. Moreover, fully opening to the suffering caused by unskillful behavior evokes feelings of compassion, the appropriate response to suffering no matter its origin. Similarly, seeing that unskillful actions are the result of unhealthy mind-states helps you understand the importance of compassion and loving-kindness practice in alleviating those mind-states. Compassion (karuna practice) and loving-kindness (metta practice) are concentration or absorption meditations in which the mind is focused ever more firmly on a single object. As one of my teachers, Sharon Salzberg, says in her book Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness (Shambhala, 1995), the purpose of these practices is to cultivate the intention to embrace all parts of yourself and to overcome feelings of separation from yourself and from others. Thus, you learn to receive and work with your faults as sources of needless suffering, and spontaneously move towards change in order to relieve that suffering. As these practices mature you feel a sense of warmth, good intention, and deep sympathy towards yourself. 
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The Buddha taught that the way to free the mind from suffering is through gaining insight into what truly is. One of the tools the Buddha taught for gaining insight is mindfulness, the ability to be fully aware in each moment. You can develop mindfulness through the practice of vipassana meditation.  Why Meditate? Here are just a few of the benefits of a meditation practice:
 How to Meditate Mindfulness meditation begins with learning to concentrate your attention on an object, typically the breath, which enables you to notice how your mind is reacting to what it is experiencing.
The Buddha taught that suffering comes from ignorance. “Ignorance is the one thing with whose abandonment clear knowing arises,” he said. By “ignorance” he meant the misperceptions and delusions that your mind has about its own nature. Thus, the way to free the mind from suffering is through gaining insight into what truly is. Insight is a profound level of understanding that transcends mere intellectual cognition and can only be known by experiencing it. One of the tools the Buddha taught for gaining insight is mindfulness, the ability to be fully aware in the moment. Mindfulness enables you to go beneath the surface level of moment-to-moment life experience, which is clouded with emotions, to clearly see the truth of what is happening. The untrained mind is just the opposite of mindfulness. It is often described as “monkey mind” because it is continually distracted by one thought, emotion, or body sensation after another. The monkey mind repeatedly identifies with the surface experience and gets lost in it. The insights that arise through mindfulness release the mind from getting caught in such reactivity and can even stop the cycle from beginning.  An important aspect of practicing mindfulness is “sampajanna,” which translated means “clear comprehension”—the ability to see clearly what needs to be done, what you are capable of doing, and how it relates to the larger truth of life. Obviously it is not easy to be mindful in such a manner, let alone experience the deep insights that lead to full liberation, but you can develop mindfulness through the practice of meditation. I use “mindfulness” to refer to both mindfulness in daily life and mindfulness meditation practice. First let’s look at how the insight from mindfulness might manifest in daily life. Suppose someone at work says something that upsets you and you become angry or defensive and react by saying something you later regret. The incident ruins your day because you can’t stop thinking about it. Of course you are aware of your feelings; they have registered in your brain. But this kind of “ordinary awareness”—simply being conscious of your emotional reaction to an experience—is not what the Buddha meant by mindfulness.  Mindfulness enables you to fully know your experience in each moment. So when your colleague upsets you, if you are being mindful, you witness that her words generate thoughts and body sensations in you that lead to a strong emotion with still more body sensations. You have the insight that these feelings are being created by a chain reaction of thoughts in your mind. While this chain reaction is going on, you acknowledge how miserable it makes you feel. But instead of reacting with harsh words when you feel the impulse to speak unskillfully, you choose not to. Your mindfulness allows you not to identify with the impulses of your strong emotions or act from them. Moreover, because you witnessed the impersonal nature of the experience, you don’t get stuck in a bad mood for the rest of the day. It is an unpleasant experience, but you are not imprisoned by it. When you are being mindful, you are aware of each experience in the body and mind and you stay with that experience, whether it is pleasant or unpleasant, such that you see what causes stress and harm to you or another and what does not.  It truly is possible to experience this wise awareness in your daily life, but you need to train yourself to do so, and mindfulness meditation is the most effective means to accomplish this. Through the practice of mindfulness meditation you develop your innate capacity to:
 Formal meditation practice involves sitting in a chair or on a cushion in a quiet space with your eyes closed for a period of time and slowly training the mind. You can do so by simply sitting, doing nothing special, and just watching what happens, but the more common approach is to direct the mind by cultivating your power of attention. By being mindful, you train or condition your mind to be more mindful. It is not unlike training the body and mind to play the piano, dance the tango, speak a foreign language, or play a sport. You learn forms in order to train the mind, in the same way that a pianist learns scales. You learn what to pay attention to in the same way a dancer learns to feel the music and to be aware of her body and her partner’s. Mindfulness meditation training begins with practicing techniques for concentrating your attention on an object, which enables you to notice how your mind is reacting to what it is experiencing. Concentration is the ability to direct your attention and to sustain it so that it becomes collected and unified. It is a skill everyone already has, but for most people it is limited to only certain specific tasks and is not within their control. When concentration and mindfulness are combined, the power of attention is transformed into a spotlight that illuminates a particular experience in the same way that a theater spotlight holds steady on a single actor until it’s time to focus the audience’s attention elsewhere. You learn how to direct and sustain your attention on a single experience, rather than letting the mind jump from one thought or feeling to another as it usually does. In Pali the ability to direct attention is called “vitakka” and the ability to sustain it is called “vicara.” The Buddha referred to these skills as “Factors of Absorption.”  Traditionally, in vipassana meditation you use your breath initially as the object of concentration to collect and unify the mind. You typically stay with the experience of the breath as it touches the body in a single spot, such as the tip of the nose as it moves in and out, or the rise and fall of the chest, or the in-and-out movement of the belly, or the feeling of the breath in the whole body. There are many ways to follow the breath, including counting, noticing its speed, and making mental notes of what is happening, using labels such as “in” and “out” or “rising” and “falling.” You can also learn to stay with the breath by coupling a word with each breath. Some teachers insist on a particular method of developing concentration, while others are more flexible. (A list of meditation instruction books is included in Appendix 3 of this book. Silent residential meditation retreats, which are the best way to learn mindfulness meditation, even for those who already have other meditation practices, are also listed.) At first you won’t be able to stay with the breath, but soon you will at least be able to be with one or two breaths throughout the complete cycle of inhalation and exhalation. You will also develop the ability to notice when your mind has wandered and to firmly and gently bring it back to the breath.  When your mind starts wandering, the breath becomes your anchor to which you return in order to stabilize and focus your attention. This anchor object is important because meditation is so hard to do. You may get distracted by what’s worrying you or by some longing, or you may get bored, sleepy, or restless, or you may start doubting the whole process. Staying with the breath calms the mind, collects your scattered attention, and unifies the mind so that you are able to continue. It is never a mistake or a bad meditation if all you do is work on staying with the breath. Even when you constantly struggle and don’t actually spend much time with the breath, it’s good practice. By repeatedly returning to the breath, you are learning to just start over. Starting over is a key step in meditation. It expresses your intention to be present, and the power of your intention is what determines your ability to be mindful in daily life. The manner in which you stay with the breath in meditation is called “bare attention”—you simply feel the movement of the breath and the body’s response and notice whether the breath is warm or cool, long or short. You observe the arising of a breath, its duration, and its passing. You might stay with only one of these experiences or a combination of them. In practicing bare attention you don’t judge the breath or think about how you might improve it. You simply register the experience of the breath without reacting to the experience with mental commentary or physical action.  Once you’re somewhat able to stay present with the breath, you start to open your field of attention to ever-more-subtle objects of experience that arise in the mind. This process continues until you are able to respond to all of your experiences as opportunities for mindfulness. In order to meditate in this manner, the Buddha taught what are often called the Four Foundations of Mindfulness, in which you systematically learn how to pay attention to and investigate what arises in your mind, whether the experience comes from one of your five body senses or from the mind generating thought. The four modes of investigation he prescribed are:
 These Four Foundations of Mindfulness and all the practices associated with them are described in depth in the Buddha’s Satipatthana Sutta. By building your awareness utilizing these four foundations, you gradually develop clear seeing (sampajanna), the ability to be mindful in the present moment. In so doing you begin to have insight about what is true and how to respond skillfully in any situation. When you are just beginning this practice, you serially investigate all Four Foundations of Mindfulness. For instance, if the mind is pulled away from the breath by a strong body sensation, then you temporarily abandon the breath as an object and let that body sensation become the object of your attention. When the mind gets tired of staying with the body sensation and starts to move to other objects, return to the breath. At this stage of practice you do not investigate your emotions or your mind states, only body sensations. The challenge is to sustain your attention on a particular body sensation in such a way that you can feel it. Is it a pulsation or a wave? Is it expanding or contracting? If it’s painful, what kind of pain is it? Does it twist, stab, burn, pinch, and so forth? If it’s pleasant, is it sweet, warm, tingly? In the First Foundation of Mindfulness the attention is to be focused on the body from within the body, meaning that you are not training your mind to be a distant, indifferent observer of your body; rather, you are being with your aching back. This same method of keeping attention within the experience is used for all Four Foundations of Mindfulness.  The Buddha started vipassana practice with mindfulness of the body because for most people it is far easier to stay present with the body than with the mind and because the body participates in all other experiences you have in ordinary consciousness. He said, “If the body is not mastered [by meditation], then the mind cannot be mastered, if the body is mastered, mind is mastered.” He went on to say, “There is one thing, monks, that cultivated and regularly practiced, leads to a deep sense of urgency, . . . to the Supreme Peace . . . to mindfulness and clear comprehension, . . . to the attainment of right vision and knowledge, . . . to happiness here and now, . . . to realizing deliverance by wisdom and the fruition of Holiness: it is mindfulness of the body.” Many experienced students of meditation tend to skip over the body and focus on the emotions and mind states, thinking they are getting to the really juicy part of practice, but as the Buddha’s quote indicates, this is a significant misapprehension. I have found that cultivating body-awareness is the surest way for most students to start to impact their daily life with their mindfulness practice. Therefore, as you move from the First Foundation of Mindfulness of the Body to the Second Foundation, remember that throughout the practice, you use the breath as an anchor to collect and unify the mind while expanding your mindfulness to an ever-greater range of experience.  After you develop mindfulness of the changing nature of body experience, you are ready to work with the Second Foundation—the feeling tone of your experience. You start to include the pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral flavor contained in each moment of body sensation in your field of attention. You don’t try to control these sensations but simply to know them. For instance, you notice how pleasant the warm sun feels on your face on winter mornings or how an aching leg feels unpleasant from within the experience. When body sensations are neither pleasant nor unpleasant, they are neutral. Ordinarily you don’t notice the neutral sensations, but with mindfulness they become part of your awareness and expand your experience of being alive. Developing awareness of pleasant, unpleasant, and neutral sensations and how they condition the mind is a critical factor in finding peace and well-being in your life. After you have worked with body sensations, you are ready to work with the Third Foundation, mental events (your emotions, mental processes, and mind states), in your meditation. At first just take emotions as a field for investigation. Notice when your mind is pulled away from the breath by an emotion. What is the nature of the emotion? How do you feel it in the body? In my experience, all emotions are accompanied by body sensations. What is an emotion, really, when you deconstruct it? Is it not an internal image, or words, or a pleasant or unpleasant feeling accompanied by many coarse or subtle sensations? I’m not referring to what caused the emotion, which is a combination of perception, belief, intent, and response, but rather to what happens when the mind registers an emotion. Does the mind keep feeling the emotion, or does it arise and pass like a body sensation? Remember to continue to use your anchor object so that you don’t get lost in your emotions.  Many times you will discover that you do not know what emotion you are feeling or that there is more than one emotion competing for attention. In these instances, just be aware of emotions; do not try to name them. Likewise, sometimes you can’t name a body sensation, so it only feels like numbness; numbness then is the body sensation. Don’t insist on specificity; just be aware that there is a body. Now you are ready to examine your mental processes. You will quickly notice that the mind is almost always thinking and that much of this thinking is based on the past or future in the form of remembering, planning, fantasizing, and rehearsing. Observe each of these. Are they pleasant or unpleasant? What happens to them as you turn your attention on them? Do they stop or intensify? Or do you get lost in them and lose your mindfulness? What underlies your constant planning? Is it anxiety? When you bring up a fear or worry over and over again, is it really unpleasant or does it induce a kind of reassurance? What happens if you stop? Is the constant worrying really a false reassurance? Does it actually induce a habit of anxiety? Remember to feel your mental processes from within them—the fuzziness and excitement of fantasy, the heaviness of worry and fretting, and the speed of planning. Notice what it is and how it then changes.  Finally, you are ready to experience the Buddha’s insights as they manifest in your life—the life you have been examining until now, which includes your body sensations, emotions, mind states, and mental processes and the pleasantness and unpleasantness that accompanies each of them. With the Fourth Foundation of Mindfulness, you see how each moment constantly changes and that most of what you take personally is actually impersonal and is not about you. For instance, in our earlier example, the person at the office who upset you was not really focused on you, but was reacting to her own inner turmoil, and you just happened to receive the eruption. You also notice which mind states lead to suffering and which don’t, and you begin to live more wisely.   Fundamental Dharma TeachingsIn your study of the dharma, you will encounter numerous lists, which the Buddha created to make his teachings accessible and memorable. The lists I’ve included here are some of the basic ones, which are fundamental to your comprehension of the dharma. To fully understand them, I recommend that you attend meditation classes, daylong workshops, and silent retreats; join a dharma study group; and read some of the books recommended in the reading list on this website. May your study and practice of the dharma bring you love, joy, wonder, and wisdom in this life, just as it is. — Phillip Moffitt  The Triple Gem
“I take refuge in: the Buddha, the Dharma, the Sangha”  The Four Noble Truths
The Noble Eighfold Path
The Four Foundations of Mindfulness
 The Three Marks of Existence
The Four Brahma-Viharas (Heavenly Abodes)
The Five Precepts
 The Five Hindrances
The Seven Factors of Enlightenment
 MASTER OF MANIFESTATION EVENT REPLAYHOST (SPEAKER): KATHLEEN CAMERON
Your Daily Reading From The UniverseYour message today is to ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE WORTHY. Hardships and life happenings can derail us from achieving our ultimate goals, but you must realize that we are all worthy of living a fulfilling life. A life of fulfillment might mean something different to the next person, but for whatever you are seeking in life, you must realize you are fully capable of obtaining it.  5 Great Ways To Feeling Worthy AgainIf confidence is key, then what doors can this key open? To me, confidence is truly one of the greatest things we can possess. It is the difference between entering into this new door of possibilities or standing behind it. It is the difference between standing up for what you believe is right, and letting fear keep you silent. But how do you learn to be more confident in yourself? Most of us, at some point in our lives, have looked in the mirror and not felt good enough or worthy of receiving all that we deserve. But the thing is, if you don’t believe you deserve better, chances are, you won’t be able to manifest a better life for yourself. To pursue those goals you have and to live your best life, I’ve listed 5 easy ways to feel more confident right now: Step 1. Change your beliefs.Being “confident” or “good enough” or “worthy” is an interesting thing because it can’t necessarily be measured; it’s an inside job. The feelings and thoughts associated with it happen in our minds and in our bodies (and are represented through emotions). I think a good way we can measure our own confidence is by whether we feel at peace and feel good about a certain situation. For instance, one event can happen, someone can say one thing to us - but it is our perception of that event or comment that makes us feel a certain way. So whether you’re trying to lose weight, manifest a bigger house or invite more love into your life, you must BELIEVE you’re good enough first. Step 2. Resist hiding your “flaws”.While it’s very important to embrace your good qualities, it’s also important to embrace the things you don’t like about yourself. Instead of hiding them, try looking at them from a more positive perspective. Ask yourself, how do these “flaws” make me unique or different from the rest? Make a list of all the things that you can find about yourself that you’ve been hiding (to be more likable or prove to others that you’re “good enough”), uncover them once and for all, and let your amazing, confident self shine through! Step 3. Practice affirmations.Repeating positive affirmations out loud in front of a mirror, especially when you’re looking into your own eyes, is a powerful way to increase your confidence and self-worth. Try placing your hand over your heart as you repeat these affirmations so you can truly feel the power of these words. Some of my favorite “confidence affirmations” include: I respect myself and attract others who respect me. I deeply believe I can achieve anything I desire. I matter and what I say makes a difference. The more I love myself, the more love I have to give. Step 4. Practice forgiveness.In order to build more confidence and receive more love, joy and abundance, you need to let go of the energy that doesn’t serve you and allow new, positive energy to come into your life... Because it is only when you let go of the past and forgive yourself (and allow yourself to be forgiven by others), that you can experience true freedom. Step 5. Claim your power!Remember that not one thing or one person can add or diminish your personal value but YOU.
One of my favorite quotes from The Four Agreements, written by don Miguel Ruiz, states: “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.“ So I encourage you today, to shut down your inner critic and stop letting your confidence be dependent on people and things… and soon you’ll see how you no longer need the outside world to validate your personal value. As you begin to feel more confident, and you become happier and more grateful, your level of abundance and prosperity will also increase. But, if you’re serious about making a drastic change in your life and you’re ready to receive everything you want, then I have two great gifts for you today. Try this exercise, and in just 13 minutes, you’ll know the REAL reason you sabotage yourself and what to do about it. On the same page, you’ll also receive a free mini eBook PDF containing my 7 personal favorite morning success rituals for peak performance throughout the day. Go here to download your free copy, and prepare to become the most productive version of yourself!
Embracing Self-Love: Choosing Me FirstSelf-love is a feeling of appreciation for oneself that comes from actions that support physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It's closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion, and it involves having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself with kindness
In a world where we often prioritize the needs and expectations of others, it's easy to lose sight of our own worth and desires. But now, I am making a conscious decision to focus on self-improvement and be there for myself. I am committed to giving myself everything I deserve. I've come to realize that life isn't solely about love and relationships. It's about finding peace within and nurturing the best version of ourselves. For me, this means investing time and energy into personal growth and career development. I've learned that peace is everything.
I work hard. I pay my bills. I maintain myself. I am independent. And this is the best feeling in the world. For the first time in a long time, I am picking myself first. I am healing, growing, and learning every day. One of the most important lessons I've learned is that the more you love yourself, the more you detach from things that don't love you back. It's not about being hurtful; it's about finding peace. I no longer care about things that don't serve my well-being. Instead, I cherish the peaceful detachment that comes with self-love. After years of putting others first, I am finally taking care of myself. This journey of self-discovery and self-prioritization is exhilarating.
My primary goal now is to protect my peace at all costs, even if it means being misunderstood by others. I am choosing me, finally. This is my time to shine. Sometimes, you need your feelings hurt to wake up and realize the importance of focusing on yourself. The only things I am chasing now are peace and financial stability. I owe it to myself to create a life that reflects my worth and dreams.
To everyone out there on a similar journey, remember that the best kind of falling in love is falling in love with yourself. Protect your peace, prioritize your growth, and shine on. Hashtags: #SelfLove #SelfImprovement #PeaceOfMind #Independence #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney #ChasingPeace #FinancialStability #ChoosingMe #LoveYourself #ProtectYourPeace #ShineOn
Here are some ways to practice self-love:
Self-love, defined as "love of self" or "regard for one's own happiness or advantage", has been conceptualized both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw, akin to vanity and selfishness, synonymous with amour-propre, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism, et al.
Self-love means that you have an appreciation, affinity, and positive regard for yourself. It’s closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself in a loving way. Unlike narcissism, which is excessive self-absorption and self-interest, self-love is a positive trait. Loving yourself means having a good understanding of both your strengths and weaknesses. Narcissism is generally associated with poor mental health. But high self-love has a positive effect on your well-being, mental fitness, and your relationships.
Self-love is critical to our overall well-being. And despite what the perfectionists think, loving yourself doesn’t mean that you don’t hold yourself to a high standard. Without feeling positively towards ourselves, we may find it hard to be motivated. Many studies suggest that we need self-love in order to take action, take chances, and take on new opportunities. Self-love is important because it motivates much of our positive behavior while reducing harmful behavior. It both empowers us to take risks and to say no to things that don’t work for us. It’s a key component of building self-compassion.
Self-love helps us take care of ourselves, lower stress, and strive for success. But it also protects us from negative thoughts, self-sabotage, and pushing ourselves too far. It’s important to recognize that knowing what to say “no” to is just as important as learning when to say “yes.” 5 benefits of self-love Self-love isn’t all touchy-feely. Well — okay, it is kinda touchy-feely, but its benefits are rooted in science.
1. Lower stress, higher resilience When we feel stressed, it’s generally because we don’t feel capable of living up to the challenges in front of us. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you’re better able to tackle challenges. Negative feelings and self-critical thoughts compound stress. When we feel good, though, it’s usually easier for us to problem-solve. Self-love and self-compassion are directly linked. When we have a high sense of self-love, we’re able to look at challenges as temporary setbacks — or even as opportunities for growth. This attitude helps us become more resilient. BetterUp’s research has found that coaching can help improve self-compassion by over 60%. And self-compassion has a marked impact on developing resilience. Not only does self-compassion — and by extension, self-love — help us bounce back better, it keeps us mentally fit. More than 1,000 research studies have linked self-compassion to reduced psychopathy and improved well-being.
2. Willingness to take risks (the good kind) When we’re willing to take risks, we do so because we have faith in ourselves. We know that we’ll be able to handle the outcome — whether we get what we want or not. A big part of that is self-trust, but it’s also a belief that you are worth the investment. Imagine this scenario — a loved one, like a child or best friend, wanted to try something new. If they shared their insecurities with you, would you tell them that they’re probably right and most likely going to fail? Or would you encourage them to take a chance anyway because you believe in all the reasons why it would work out? When you love yourself, you’re able to identify both opportunities for growth and chances for you to shine. Risk-taking isn’t just about doing something that seems fun. It’s also about giving yourself the best possible chance to succeed. We won’t get far in life staying in our comfort zones.
3. Empathy When we are able to see ourselves — and accept our strengths and weaknesses — with compassion and appreciation, we can also have compassion for others. This ability to hold space for other people’s struggles helps us to become more empathetic. In turn, empathy creates a stronger connection and a sense of belonging. BetterUp found that one-on-one coaching improves empathy by over 40%. Improving empathy also improves your cognitive and psychological flexibility. You become better able to “step into someone else’s shoes.” In turn, this can also have a positive effect on your communication skills.
4. Self-efficacy There are four components to self-efficacy. These include seeing other people succeed, having your own mastery experiences, and being affirmed by others. The last is feeling good about ourselves and our capabilities. When our self-love is high, we’re better able to take on new things. Developing trust in our own capabilities, plus a desire to be the best, are key building blocks of self-efficacy. In turn, this self-trust and faith in our own abilities helps us achieve our goals, challenge ourselves, and live our best lives. 5. Setting boundaries There’s a saying that a dishonest “yes” to something you don’t really want to do is an honest “no” to yourself. We often think that saying yes to everything and always willing to help is a virtue. However, a key part of self-love is knowing what to give your energy to — and what doesn’t serve you.
10 signs of a lack of self-loveSince a healthy amount of self-love has such beneficial qualities, you can probably guess that a lack of self-love can be detrimental. Here are some potential signs of low self-love:
8 ways to practice self-lovePracticing self-love goes beyond the surface. It takes both outer and Inner Work® to understand our value and feel good about ourselves. Here are eight ways to develop and practice self-love in your own life and learn how to love yourself: 1. Know thyself In truth, there’s nothing wrong with the bath bombs, scented candles, and “me time” that get marketed to us as the “highest form or self-care.” The challenge is that we might start thinking it’s the most important kind of self-care. True self-care — and self-love — is about making investments in yourself that have nothing to do with your shopping cart. Personally, I love a good massage, but I have friends who hate the idea of getting one. I could spend hours reading, while others might find that to be the most boring thing they could do. No one has the answer to the “right way” to take care of yourself (well, except you, of course). Think of getting to know yourself like starting a new relationship. Whether you were making a friend, dating, or even taking care of a new houseplant, there would be a learning curve. You might ask questions, make notes on what works and what doesn’t, and try new things. You would be curious and engaged in learning to nurture this new relationship. That sense of curious engagement is a great foundation for learning to love yourself. Start a journal, take up a new hobby, or take yourself on a date. When you start spending time learning about yourself and what you love to do, you’ll likely find yourself pretty darn lovable.
2. Fish for complimentsContrary to what you might’ve heard growing up, fishing for compliments isn’t a bad thing. Most of us have the tendency to toss away compliments instead of embracing and internalizing them. Get into the habit of embracing compliments, acknowledgments, and any other positive regard people wanna throw your way. This might seem uncomfortable at first, and you may even have to practice it. One wonderful habit I got from a course with Regena Thomashauer was to respond with “Thank you, it’s true.” It’s surprisingly difficult to affirm and embrace a compliment instead of brushing it off.  3. Build self-care routinesLearning how to take care of yourself means building habits that support your well-being. Try a mini-reset (like the one above) when you feel like you need to recharge. You can also create a self-care plan for yourself. Building self-care routines is an essential and proactive approach to nurturing your overall well-being. It involves the intentional cultivation of habits and practices that contribute to your physical, emotional, and mental health. No two self-care plans are identical. Begin by identifying activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of fulfillment. These could range from simple daily rituals, such as quick morning stretches or meditation, to larger commitments like regular exercise or creative pursuits. Consider creating a self-care calendar or planner to help structure and prioritize your self-care routines. Schedule dedicated time for activities that rejuvenate your mind and body, ensuring that self-care becomes a non-negotiable part of your routine. Experiment with different approaches and be open to adjusting your plan as needed, as flexibility is key in adapting to life's changing demands. Whether it's a daily mindfulness practice, a weekly nature walk, or a monthly self-reflection session, the cumulative impact of these routines contributes significantly to a sustainable and fulfilling self-care journey.
4. Prioritize self-compassionCultivating self-love involves developing a compassionate and understanding relationship with yourself. Embrace the concept of self-compassion, which entails treating yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would offer to a friend facing challenges. This practice is particularly vital during moments of self-doubt, failure, or adversity. Start by acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes and encounters setbacks—it's a natural part of being human. When faced with difficulties, resist the urge to criticize or blame yourself. Instead, offer words of encouragement and comfort, recognizing that you deserve support and understanding. Practice self-compassionate self-talk by challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with affirming and nurturing statements. Remember, self-compassion is not a sign of weakness but a powerful tool for building resilience and fortifying your emotional well-being. By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you deepen the roots of self-love and create a foundation for enduring self-acceptance.  5. Nurture positive self-talk and affirmationsThe way you speak to yourself significantly influences your self-perception and overall well-being. Incorporating positive self-talk and affirmations into your daily routine is a powerful strategy for enhancing self-love. By consciously choosing uplifting and empowering language, you can reshape your internal dialogue and foster a more positive self-image. Start by identifying areas of self-criticism or negative self-talk. Notice when you are being overly harsh or critical of yourself, and actively challenge these thoughts. Replace negative statements with positive affirmations that emphasize your strengths, capabilities, and inherent worth. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, "I can't do this," counter it with, "I am capable, and I can learn and grow through this experience." Create a list of personalized affirmations that resonate with you and align with your goals. Repeat these affirmations regularly, incorporating them into your morning routine or moments of reflection throughout the day. Consistent practice will help rewire your brain to embrace a more positive and self-affirming mindset. Additionally, surround yourself with positive influences, whether through supportive friends, motivational literature, or affirming podcasts. Building a positive external environment complements the internal work of nurturing positive self-talk, reinforcing a culture of self-love in both your thoughts and surroundings.  6. Embrace your uniquenessCelebrating your individuality is a powerful way to practice self-love. In a world that often emphasizes conformity, embracing what makes you unique can be a radical act of self-affirmation. Take the time to identify and appreciate your strengths, quirks, and idiosyncrasies. Start by making a list of the qualities that set you apart from others. These could be your talents, interests, or even your unconventional perspectives. Instead of comparing yourself to others, recognize that your uniqueness adds depth and richness to the tapestry of human experience. Affirm your individuality by expressing yourself authentically, whether through your style, creative pursuits, or the way you communicate. Engaging in activities that align with your passions and values is another way to celebrate your uniqueness. If you love art, dedicate time to creating. If you're passionate about a particular cause, get involved in relevant activities. By living authentically, you not only honor yourself but also contribute to a more diverse and vibrant world.  7. Practice gratitude for your bodyCultivating self-love involves fostering a positive and appreciative relationship with your body. Instead of fixating on perceived flaws or societal ideals, focus on expressing gratitude for the incredible capabilities and functions of your body. Start by creating a gratitude journal specifically dedicated to your body. Each day, write down three things you appreciate about your physical self. These could range from the ability to move freely to the senses that allow you to experience the world. Acknowledge the resilience and strength your body demonstrates daily, even in small actions. Engage in activities that promote body positivity and self-acceptance. Surround yourself with affirming messages, whether through body-positive media or supportive social circles. Challenge negative thoughts about your body by consciously redirecting your focus toward gratitude and appreciation.  8. Set and enforce healthy boundariesEstablishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is a crucial aspect of self-love. Boundaries serve as a protective barrier, safeguarding your well-being and preserving your energy. By clearly defining and communicating your limits to others, you create a space where self-respect and self-care can thrive. Reflect on your personal and emotional boundaries. Identify situations, relationships, or activities that drain your energy or compromise your mental health. Once recognized, take intentional steps to set boundaries in those areas. This may involve communicating your needs assertively, saying no when necessary, or creating physical and emotional space when required. Enforcing boundaries requires consistency and self-advocacy. Be firm in upholding the limits you've set, even if it feels uncomfortable initially. Recognize that prioritizing your well-being is an essential act of self-love, and establishing boundaries is a tangible way to demonstrate this commitment. Surround yourself with individuals who respect and support your boundaries. Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding and consideration for each other's needs. As you reinforce your boundaries, you cultivate an environment that fosters self-love and allows you to thrive emotionally and mentally.  Are self-love and self-compassion the same thing?Self-love and self-compassion aren’t quite the same thing, but they are strongly related to one another. Self-love has to do with whether or not you like yourself. It's your ability to find yourself worthy of trust, admiration, and care. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is our ability to forgive ourselves and be gentle with our mistakes. I would venture to say that although you can't have one without the other, it takes something different to develop each. Put simply, we develop self-love by getting to know ourselves, while we develop self-compassion by being gentle with ourselves. This process of self-knowledge and self-discovery is a large part of what it takes to fall in love with ourselves. We build self-compassion by forgiving ourselves for our mistakes and turning them into opportunities to learn. Once we develop self-love, self-compassion comes much more easily.  Lean into loving yourself and change your life Loving yourself is different from being self-absorbed or narcissistic. And doing so has mental and physical health benefits. So whether you’re embracing a new self-care routine or practicing building boundaries, find what self-love looks like for you. It’ll take time, but you might just learn to appreciate a whole new side of yourself.   The "dark night of the soul" is a term that can be used to describe a difficult, painful, and personal spiritual experience that is often linked to spiritual awakening: During this period, a person may feel lost, disconnected, and despairing. It can be a time of significant transformation and questioning, where the foundations of a person's beliefs and understanding of the world are shaken. The dark night of the soul can also be seen as a crisis of faith or a state of deep mourning, as a person realizes that life will never be the same. Some say that the dark night of the soul can help people find their purpose in life, understand spiritual lessons, and break away from illusions of fear and ego. It can also be seen as a kind of death, where the egoic sense of self dies, and a person awakens into something deeper. This deeper sense of purpose or connectedness is no longer based on concepts in the mind, but rather on a connection to the divine. The dark night of the soul can be a temporary occurrence, lasting as long as a person is willing to feel it. Some people may stay in this place for days, weeks, months, or even years. They awaken into something deeper, which is no longer based on concepts in your mind. A deeper sense of purpose or connectedness with a greater life that is not dependent on explanations or anything conceptual any longer. It's a kind of re-birth. The dark night of the soul is a kind of death that you die.
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AuthorAries | Soccer Fan | Poet | Writer | Love Sunflowers | LGBTQ+ | Entrepreneur Archives
November 2024
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