I took an Attachment Style test &
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Those who identify with the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style (also known as disorganized attachment) had a parent that they felt both connected to and deeply fearful of.
Their parent may have been abusive or were experiencing their own unresolved traumas that caused them to sometimes act in frightening ways. Hal Shorey wrote these words in an article titled, Come Here, Go Away: The Dynamics is Fearful Avoidant; |
The reason this attachment style can be so challenging is that the person has internal conflicting messages.
As adults, they want to get close to their intimate partner, but they feel intense anxiety just as they begin to depend and feel safe with them.
And this confusion can be very challenging for their partner.
Their partner is usually deeply frustrated as to how to support them and help them to feel safe in the relationship.
I highly recommend encouraging your partner to get professional support in a non-judgmental and gentle way.
And if you live somewhere where you don’t have access to one on one support, educating both yourself and your partner can go a long way.
“The Power of Attachment” by Diane Poole Heller is a great book that covers this attachment style.
Being in a relationship with someone who has such intense fears can be overwhelming.
I don’t want to sugarcoat or minimize that reality.
It’s important that you as a partner are taking care of yourself just as you are taking care of your partner.
It’s important that you are setting boundaries if your partner continues to make threats to leave.
Those “threats” are usually triggered by their enormous fear of being hurt or overwhelmed.
However, your (loving yet firm) boundary can help them to finally acknowledge the work that they must courageously lean into.
Remember, you can’t do the work for your partner.
But you can absolutely choose to stand by their side, especially when they are taking ownership of their own healing.
~Silvy Khoucasian
Read the blog at:
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@eyemindspirit You want them to text, but when they do you panic □ #fearfulavoidantattachment #disorganizedattachment #breakup #datingtok #anxiousattachment #avoidantattachment #situationship #breakuptiktok #leftonread #indecisive ♬ Aglow (Intro) - Slowed Down Version - Karamel Kel
Traits of a dismissive avoidant attachment style
- have a negative view of relationships.
- act distant and cold toward family or friends.
- refuse to become emotionally close to others.
- withdraw from relationships that are too intimate.
- seek out control and autonomy in situations.
- use defensive strategies to avoid connection.
What kind of partner does an avoidant need?
How does a fearful avoidant show love?
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