July 14th, 2024

💘 Dating Red Flags: 🚩
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Why We Ignore Them and How to Stop

Dating is a thrilling journey, filled with the excitement of new connections and the hope of finding that special someone. However, along this path, we often encounter red flags—warning signs that something isn't quite right. These red flags can range from subtle behaviors to glaring issues, yet many of us choose to overlook them. Why do we ignore these crucial signals, and how can we learn to pay attention to them? Let's delve into this topic.

The Allure of Ignoring Red Flags 🚩

• Hope and Optimism
  • When we start dating someone new, we're often filled with hope and optimism. We want things to work out, so we tend to focus on the positive aspects and downplay any negative signals. This rosy outlook can blind us to potential issues.
• Fear of Being Alone
  • The fear of being alone can be a powerful motivator to ignore red flags. We might convince ourselves that the person we're dating is our best chance at happiness, even if they exhibit problematic behavior. This fear can cloud our judgment and make us more tolerant of red flags.
• Low Self-Esteem
  • If we struggle with low self-esteem, we might believe that we don't deserve better. We might think that any attention is better than no attention, leading us to accept behaviors that we shouldn't. Low self-esteem can make us settle for less than we deserve.
• Investment of Time⏰ and Emotions
  • The longer we're involved with someone, the harder it becomes to walk away. We've invested time, emotions, and sometimes even resources into the relationship. This investment can create a sense of obligation, making it difficult to acknowledge red flags and leave the relationship.
• Social and Cultural Pressures
  • Society often places immense pressure on us to be in a relationship. Cultural norms and expectations can make us feel like we need to stay in a relationship, even if it's not healthy. This pressure can lead us to ignore red flags to conform to societal expectations.

Common Dating Red Flags 🚩

• Controlling Behavior
  • If your partner tries to control your actions, choices, or relationships with others, it's a significant red flag. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and autonomy.
• Lack of Trust
  • Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. If your partner is constantly suspicious, accusatory, or invading your privacy, it's a sign of deeper issues.
• Disrespect
  • Disrespect can manifest in many forms, from derogatory comments to dismissive behavior. If your partner doesn't respect you, it's a clear red flag that shouldn't be ignored.
• Inconsistent Actions
  • Consistency is key in any relationship. If your partner's actions don't align with their words, it's a sign of potential manipulation or lack of commitment.
• Lack of Communication
  • Open and honest communication is vital for a healthy relationship. If your partner is unwilling or unable to communicate effectively, it can lead to misunderstandings and unresolved issues.

How to Stop Ignoring Red Flags 🚩

• Trust Your Instincts
  • Your gut feeling is a powerful tool. If something feels off, don't ignore it. Trust your instincts and take the time to evaluate the situation.
• Seek Support
  • Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your concerns. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you see things more clearly and validate your feelings.
• Set Boundaries
  • Establish and enforce boundaries in your relationships. Boundaries help protect your well-being and ensure that you're treated with respect.
• Prioritize Self-Love 💖
  • Work on building your self-esteem and self-worth. When you love and value yourself, you're less likely to tolerate disrespectful or harmful behavior from others.
• Educate Yourself
  • Learn about healthy relationships and red flags. The more you know, the better equipped you'll be to recognize and address issues early on.
• Take Action
  • If you identify red flags, don't be afraid to take action. This might mean having a difficult conversation with your partner, seeking professional help, or even ending the relationship if necessary.

The Reason I Ignored Red Flags... 🚩

🖤​ FIX AND/OR RESCUE: As I look back over the years (And with the help of my Therapist) I've come to realize that I seem to date women whom I think I can "fix" or "rescue". I never can, but at the beginning I think I can help them, but as it always turns out, I realize afterwards that I wasn't able to do so.

🖤 FEAR OF BEING ALONE: I used to have a fear of being alone so my standards were set lower & I would date just about anyone who showed me attention (This could also be because of Low Self-Esteem - See below). But as the years went on and with each relationship I was in, I learned that being alone wasn't such a bad thing I used to be a big Extrovert. I was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years. She cheated on me 3 times (the 3rd time I was done), she was a Narcissist, she was a habitual liar, and she would constantly gaslight me all the time. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't totally a bad person, there were good things about her. But the bad outweighed the good,  and after the 3rd time of her cheating on me, that was enough for me to say enough is enough and it was time to end that relationship. That relationship to be honest, is what really broke me. My relationships after that weren't the same at all, they only got worse from there for the most part (not every relationship after that, that is however). 

​It's 2024 and I just ended a different relationship in June with a woman who was a few years older than me (I mention that because she was controlling), she was a Narcissist also, she would also constantly gaslight me and make me feel like my feelings weren't valid, like my feelings didn't matter. When I would try to express my feelings she would get mad at me & make me feel like I am the bad guy for expressing my feelings (I got to the point that I stopped expressing how I felt -- I would just shutdown and stopped communicating).

​After the most recent relationship I have realized a lot. I used to always say that after a relationship I wasn't going to get in another relationship because I was going to work on myself but than I would get into another relationship and oops forget working on myself, my goals or my dreams. BUT...after this last relationship I decided that I've had enough. I am holding myself accountable. Not only that, I am okay with being alone, I no longer fear being alone. I like my own company and I have my dogs and my cats to keep me company, and that's good enough for me. I have decided that it is FINALLY time to work on myself, my goals and my dreams. No ifs, ands, or buts because I have put "working on myself" off long enough. So after I broke up with her in June and came back to Virginia, I've started working on myself and I couldn't be happier. My self-esteem has risen, my self-confidence has risen, my mom is happier that I'm home, I enjoy my own company, my dog Cinder is happy I'm home, and I was able to re-start BOTH of my businesses; my AVON business, and my Kirchner Admin Services business and they're both going great. 

🖤 LOW SELF-ESTEEM: I had low self-esteem but as the years went on and with every failed relationship, one after another, I came to realize my self-worth and my self-esteem grew higher. I wasn't as self-conscious about myself or my looks anymore. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't conceited either but I was more self-confident about myself and about my looks. I had finally realized my self worth, but I had to because NO ONE I had been with had realized my worth.

🖤 ME BEING AN ENTREPRENEUR: From the very beginning of EVERY relationship I start with someone I tell them I am an Entrepreneur (Meaning I don't work a 9-5 Job plus I'm a Disabled Veteran) and they all seem to be fine with it. Most say they love the fact that I'm an Entrepreneur and that I'm so positive, motivating, uplifting, business-minded, success-minded, that I have goals and dreams. But as the relationship goes on I come to find that that isn't the case as they suddenly want me to get a 9-5 job. Mind you as a Disabled Veteran I receive a Disability Check from the VA (so I have income every month). It's like they all of a sudden are NOT okay with me being an Entrepreneur and don't want me to be one and suddenly want me to get a "REAL JOB" smfh!!! That is a HUGE HUGE HUGE red flag 🚩 for me. And I should have ended it right there in most cases. In some cases I did end it, and in other cases I didn't end it right there but eventually did later on. If a woman wants to be with me she has to understand that I have 2 businesses that I run, I have dreams and goals that I want to accomplish. She has to understand that I'm not made for a 9-5 job. Now I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else, that's not what I'm saying. I am saying personally, I can't work a 9-5 job for many reasons. I want to be and aspire to be my own boss, and that is what I am, and that is what makes me the happiest.

Conclusion

Ignoring red flags 🚩 in dating can lead to unhealthy and potentially harmful relationships. By understanding why we overlook these warning signs and learning how to recognize and address them, we can protect our well-being and build healthier, more fulfilling connections. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you're respected, valued, and loved for who you are. Trust yourself, set your boundaries, and never settle for less than you deserve.

By acknowledging and addressing dating 🚩red flags, we take a significant step towards healthier relationships and personal growth. Let's prioritize our peace, happiness, and self-respect above all else.

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About the Author

Aiden Kirchner is a multifaceted entrepreneur, dedicated to helping others through his work as an Avon Representative, Recruiter, Graphic Designer, Social Media Marketer, Content Creator, and Business Blogger. With a passion for self-improvement and financial stability, Aiden is on a journey to become a full-time entrepreneur with his businesses, AVON and Kirchner Admin Services.

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A former Army Food Service Specialist, Aiden has been a proud Avon representative since September 2014, contributing to the success of Lisa Wilber's Avon Platinum Power Team. Beyond his professional endeavors, Aiden is committed to personal growth and healing, actively engaging in spiritual practices, including Buddhism, daily meditation, and music therapy. As an advocate for self-love and self-care, Aiden is dedicated to setting boundaries and protecting his peace.

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Aiden is also navigating a journey of self-enlightenment and spiritual awakening, learning to love himself and prioritize his well-being. Through his blog, he aims to inspire others to recognize their worth, set boundaries, and embrace their journey to self-discovery.

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