Toxic Traits

TOXIC TRAITS

My friend Elizabeth & I were talking about relationships, dating, exes and about toxic traits. Which led me to Google a list of toxic traits. Which in turn, brought up a shit ton of websites. You might ask why I am looking up Toxic Traits? I want to see if I have any Toxic Traits. I want to identify the Toxic Traits if I have any and correct them if so. So, I went to Google and Googled "Toxic Traits" and here is what I found. Below is a list of MY "Toxic Traits".

MY TOXIC TRAITS

Okay, so I admit it. I may have some or a few toxic traits. Here is a list of MY toxic traits, below.

• Defensiveness 
  ​Defensiveness is an impulsive behavior that comes from low self-esteem or narcissism. I have someone in my family that has a defensive persona and is difficult to get through to. Defensive people have trouble with accepting honest feedback and constructive criticism intended to help not hurt.

• Passive aggressivePassive-aggressive behavior isn’t just a toxic trait but also one of the early red flags in a relationship you should never ignore. Unlike obvious aggressive behaviors, people with this toxic trait tend to not have the skills to assert their needs. Instead, they get angry internally and protest about unmet needs in passive ways. For example, they withdraw physically or emotionally, ignore you (silent treatment), engage in stonewalling, or withhold sex or affection.
  It’s unfair for them to expect you to magically read their minds and figure out their needs. Withholding communication and otherwise lashing out in silence are unhealthy ways to manage their feelings and create problems in their relationships.

• Take things too personalToxic people can assume everything is about them. For example, when others around them are laughing and having fun, they think they are the cause of the laughter negatively. Furthermore, when you are having a bad day, feeling down, depressed, or simply too busy to return a phone call, a toxic person assumes it is retaliation. Like you're getting back at them for something they have done.

• Failure to take care of oneself. A toxic individual can be riddled with guilt, unhappiness, loneliness, and despair and begin to neglect self-care. Then they don't eat right, shower regularly, or brush their teeth. Some even go as far as physically abusing their own bodies.

• Crave your attention. Just as AT&T has 24/7 technical support, a toxic person may look to you to be their 24/7 emotional support system. Of course, you may not mind being there for them. Still, you never intended to be called upon all throughout the day to offer encouragement, reassurance, and support to that person.

• Jealousy - When you feel jealous, you believe your enjoyment or possession of something is coming under threat from a third party. You resent someone else from gaining what you already have, and this can manifest itself in spiteful attempts to deny them access. This is distinct to envy, where you may not begrudge someone else’s enjoyment, but wish to experience it too (see the very first point on comparing yourself to others).

• People Pleasing - Following closely on from the previous point is the matter of bending over backwards just to please other people. When you put the needs and desires of others ahead of your own without a good reason, you act from a place of personal insecurity. This behavior can lead to people taking advantage of you and to you feeling resentful when you don’t receive the thanks and approval you are looking for.

• Perfectionism - While there is nothing overly wrong with striving to do your best at something, if you pursue the goal of perfection in everything you do, you set yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and disappointment. Perfection in its truest sense is a myth; opinions can be formed and consensuses reached among certain groups of people, but nobody can lay claim to it in any form. We all have limits and the reality is that you will be better at some things than others.

• Not Speaking Out - Not all toxic behaviors involve your actions; sometimes it is when you do not act that you are potentially harming your well-being. One such example is when you do not speak up and speak out when you disagree with someone or something. By not doing so, you allow others to dictate the terms by which you are then forced to live; you let them walk over you with little regard for your opinions or feelings.

Okay so, I guess I do after all have a few "Toxic Traits". SMFH!!!

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Which leads me to another subject, gaslighting.

​Recently, I had messaged a "friend" or, used to be friend I guess you could say. And asked why we didn't talk anymore. He said because I gaslighted him. I said, "What? What the fuck. No, I didn't." All the while at that moment I didn't even know what the word gaslighting meant. However, I just looked up the definition of Gaslighting and this is what it says.​

​Definition of "Gaslighting" is.
gas·light- gaslighting (present participle)
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity:
"in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband"

As you can see above, the definition of Gaslight/Gaslighting. I have NEVER manipulated ANYONE but my mother. Only because I know how to manipulate her into getting what I want. I used to do that as a kid. Okay so I still do that sometimes as an adult. Anyways, that's not the point. 

ON MY LIFE, I have NEVER manipulated ANYONE besides my mother. And for him to say I gaslighted him. SMFH! He is delusional or, he just wants to blame someone and make me the bad guy. However, he is NOT on any medications for his mental health, while I AM on meds for my mental health. And while I am perfectly FINE with admitting when I am wrong, or when or if I was to do others wrong, in this case I was NOT in the wrong. What i did to Mickey was more like ghosting him I guess you could say. Ghosting, NOT Gaslighting. SMFH!!! He needs to get his story straight, but it's whatever, because if he ever talks about me to anyone or tells anyone about me I am sure he will tell everyone I gaslighted him and I will be made out to look like the bad guy in his story and that's fine because he lives in Kansas and I don't give a fucking shit anyways. People are either going to see me as I am (for themselves) or they are going to have an opinion of me based on how others feel about me and there is nothing I can do to change their mind. HOWEVER, once again, I do NOT give a fucking shit what you think of me because your opinion of me is NOT my business. Anyways. Moving on.